I si'd on Sunday, was having sui thoughts, so I knew I had to talk to my T about it. I saw T today and it wasn't as bad as I was expecting.

It was hard. I had to do a chain analysis (a dbt thing), which basically required me to write down the thoughts I was having, body sensations, emotions and actions I did leading up to cutting.

I was having a really hard time with it, because I really couldn't identify what emotion went with some of the thoughts I had.

T helped me realize that some of it was rage, which I never would have even considered given what my picture of rage was in my head.

T reminded me that I can call or text her anytime for coaching. I told her I had thought about it, but figured she'd just tell me I needed to feel my feelings. She told me that in an instance like that, she would not have said that because she could recognize that the issue I was having was something I couldn't work through right then and there.

It makes a lot of sense. Hopefully if (when) it happens again, I will realize it before I SI.