I am so sorry you're struggling and being involved with someone who is married. I understand you feel bad about yourself. Both of you are responsible for your choices, but I can see it's hard making responsible choices when you're manic. Don't try to beat yourself up about this. It may go agains tyour morals and against his and his family's morals, but now it happened and guilt tripping yourself won't make it better. I am off to bed soon so I have not ime to talk now, but I just wanted to say I support you and care.