Hey guys,

(This was written in the Bipolar section but someone thinks it might be a good idea in this section too... so here it goes)

I am really unsure how to even put this down into words.... I am embarrassed to admit this I am into fetish's. The urges are getting stronger. Sometimes I am really only ever thinking about urges and my fetish.

I have been manic for well seems forever. Tonight the guy who helps with my fetish came over and we did stuff. I have never had sex before and I normally do not think about sex. I think "asexual" may describe who/what I am?????

Anyways all I wanted was sex today. I am house sitting for my Brother and I was meant to have friends over but they cancelled. So I am lonely at the moment. So I texted him and asked if he was free... I didn't think he would respond. But he did and he came over. One thing lead to another and we kinda had sex.... he never cummed in me, his penis was in my vagina.I asked him to stop as it was sore and to be honest I just wasn't enjoying it. So he played with me and I enjoyed that.

I am just really unsure I am all over the place. I am mega happy but yesterday I was crying and feeling abandoned. Tonight I was all loved up!!

The only major problem is the guy has a family and wife! I know this is mega wrong. I know this. I really do!