It is another terrible night. Nights are always the worst. I feel really overwhelmed and out of control. My T said he would normally refer me for crisis screening if I felt I couldn't stop cutting but we both recognize that that would require a return to the same hospital. I don't feel that I have any safe alternatives for help if things get more out of control. I have been able to stop cutting for now but my feelings are still on the edge and I am plagued by flashbacks and nightmares. I am really frightened that I don't have a safety net and I fear that I am going to need more than my therapist can or should have to give.

After calling the referal center that was recommended in an earlier post I was offered services through the "offending" hospital. The referal center recognized the problem with that and thought they found an alternative center but because of my geographic location I had to be refered back to the center that is a part of the hospital that I need to avoid.

I am so trapped