I wanted my relationship with T to be more honest because I sensed that it wasn't---or T was holding back...

Now I know without a doubt that T was holding back,

now that she and I have grown to know one another,

she knows me on a client level

I know her on a therapist level

neither of us hold back our opinions

and it makes me kinda sad

I miss being able to hear comforting words
kind words,

but, at the same time, doesn't this mean my therapist and I have grown
like, because we are so honest.

She disagrees with me a lot! It feels like she is so different then me
and doesn't understand me. It didn't feel that way before and that was because I was doing more of the sharing/talking and she was just listening.

What I believe is, she was still probably carrying the same attitude/demeaner of disagreeing, its just now, she's saying it
instead of keeping quiet.

and it upsets me, because I guess, I miss her "warmth"

thats what it is. I miss that.
but, I'm happy at the same time that we've worked through enough
stuff to be honest with one another.

she talks to me different and stuff, like for example,

I wanted to do something and she said, "No, Jazzy.. do this."
I'll say..."you know I don't want to read this."
And she'll say..."read it. go ahead and read it. you know I'm not going to. I want you to. now do it."
I'll say.." I don't want to be emotional"
Then she'll say..." then why'd you come to therapy? you know thats what its about.."

sometimes it feels rude..at least, only really, that last comment did. she would have never said that to me a year ago. this is SOO like life, when you first meet someone, you don't know what to expect, so your not WHOLLY yourself...and then when your comfortable, well... the lion comes out...

It's like a tough form of therapy but, I THINK she still cares..its just tougher or something.

what do you think? should I be happy that its like this now or should I feel hurt that the "warmth" is gone?