I understand what you're saying, but with Ts, it's different. You can use an "I" statement like "I feel like you're not being as warm towards me as you used to be. I want to check that out." That wouldn't be telling her how to act. Maybe she doesn't see it the way you do, so you're just asking her for her version. I've discovered that it's okay to tell or ask my T anything! If it bothers me, it's okay to tell her. It's freeing to have a place where nothing is off limits.