Every site/forum I go into, I ask what the meaning of life is and not only does no one seem to know, but apparently I'm a freak for asking the question and I'm a freak for wanting to know the answer.

Every single thing I do, think, and say is wrong. I am not allowed to express a thought or emotion, and my inability to live my life only for the physical and only for 'surface tension' is a great annoyance to others.

Love is never ever ever supposed to have anything at all to do with sex. Ever. And it's supposed to be everywhere--TV, books, movies, billboards, at work, at home, EVERYWHERE, and if I'd just get that through my thick head, not only would I be a happy person, but I'd be having really hot sex all the time with lots and lots of people...and animals...and furniture. Geez, I'm wasting it. I get asked out by married men and to be 'a third.' Not ever by anyone who likes me or gives a **** about me. Get laid and get off. That's all I'm here for, and I can't even do that right.

There's nothing at all wrong with drugs and getting high. I'm wasting my life by not getting high and stoned and ripped. I'm just an asshole for not using drugs. I don't use drugs and I don't sleep around, and this makes people run screaming from my life. It means there's something wrong with me. Normal people get drunk and get high. I don't. I'm not normal. This makes me a worthless human being, except to people who go around saying no one is worthless. Problem is, if no one is worthless, then it's just stickball and everyone qualifies so it means absolutely nothing and I'm right back where I started--that I'm worthless.

I do not have 1,500 people on my facebook page that I do not know, don't keep up with, don't interact with on any meaningful level, and haven't ever met. I like to only keep family on there and actual friends on there. That also means I'm worthless.

The only thing a monkey needs in order to be happy is a banana and another monkey. How long does it take to get bored with that? If you're a monkey, most species live around 30 years. By the time you get bored with a meaningless existence, totally consumed with feeding physical needs and nothing else, you're ready to die.

Problem is, humans generally live 60 to 80 years. What do you do with all that extra time? Go nuts?

I need love, affection, someone to care for, someone to care for me, and to be allowed to express thoughts and emotions. That makes me an asshole. Just wanting that, needing that, expecting that--that makes me a complete asshole.

So I come back to 'why am I here?' Well, because two people had sex. You have sex one time, and sentence another human being to 60 - 80 years of absolute emptiness and nothingness. Eat, sleep, ****, get laid, get drunk, get high, party, party, party, and work a job. Love has nothing to do with sex or family. Work a job and shut the fk up.

I work a job so that I can have a place to live so that I can sleep and eat so that I can work a job so that I can have a place to live so that I can sleep and eat so that I can work a job

Endless, self-perpetuating circle that serves no purpose outside its own sphere. If I'm not here, I'm not incurring debts and expenses. Absolutely nothing and no one hinges on me getting up in the morning.

I'm here because of the urge to perpetuate the species. Um...

So I do what a lot of other empty, stifled people do--I sit on the computer going from one imaginary place to another imaginary place expressing myself in little boxes. I'm trying to fool my brain into thinking this is actual interaction.

I'm lying, of course.

So what is the meaning of life?? If there's a person inside there somewhere, don't you kinda need one of those?