I know many survivors that have confronted and have good-great relationships with those they confronted and forgiveness was never a part of the package.

I never forgave my abusers for what they did to me. There is nothing there for me to forgive.

Bottom line -They committed a crime. In some cases more than one crime in committing that abuse.

I think about it this way would the family expect the accuser to forgive the person if the tool used was a joint laced with PCP and that person a family member gave the laced joint to a 5 year old child and then for the rest of that childs life their brain is messed up and fried and they can't hold down a job, take care of themselves. Of course not. the person who did it would have to live the rest of their life knowing what they did to that child and know that they were not going to recieve forgiveness.

Sexual abuse is no different. There is no way I can "forgive and everything is ok now". for its not ok.

I have to live with the left overs of chronic Depression for the rest of my life, I have to deal with the effects of PTSD for the rest of my life, I will always for the rest of my life have to be on my guard after I remember all that I have forgotten by being Dissociative Identity Disordered so that I continue useing my coping tools learned this past 5 years through my 24/7 therapy program instead of slipping back into dissociating to a 9-10 on the dissociation scale, And the things I go through now because of what my abusers did to me in part cost my son his mental problems, and could be a part of why he is unable to remain stable outside of child mental health units.

No there is no way forgiveness will ever be a part of the package of disclosure and confrontation. It wasn't a part of the package when I went public and it isn't now. and yes My family knows this and does not ask me for forgiveness. My abusers wanted me to appologize they didn't want forgiveness and if they had asked I would have told them what they had to do to recieve and bit piece of my forgiveness if I gave any at all and that would have been pay for my therapy sessions, enter therapy themselves, and register as a past child sexual abuser, no unsupervised contact with children under 18.

Disclosure and confrontation is not meant to say "ok I forgive you lets go on like nothing ever happened now"

The concept of disclosure and confrontation is the victim letting the abuser know - you did wrong and I did nothing wrong. You were the adult and I was the child. I should not have had to keep quiet like I was the one committing the crime so now Im telling and you the abuser can if you choose accept responsibilty for YOUR actions, If not well so be it but I will no longer cover your arse. I am disclosing so those in contact with YOU the abuser with children the age I was when you abused me can decide for themselves how to take care of their children so You cant abuse them and any that you may have already abused can see that it is ok to tell when someone is hurting them. I am through taking the blame for what you chose to do in committing those things on me, and I am through worrying about if you are hurting anyone else for now it is out in the open.

There are no groundrules in confronting and disclosing other than it is a time for the vicitms to start taking their power back for themselves in some cases so that they can start becoming a survivor instead of a victim.

Each person has to choose for themselves if they want to confront and disclose. and each person gets to decide for themselves if after confrontation and disclosure or without disclosure and confrontation if they want to and can forgive that person.

All the survivors that I know tell me they didn't forgive the abuser. for they couldnt see forgiving the committing of crimes on children. The word forgiveness did not figure in on the abuser. Some took the word forgiveness and applied it to themselves as in forgiving themselves. Some needed to come to understand their bodys were made to respond so they needed to find a way to let themselfs know that they did nothing wrong when their bodys reacted even though they were not enjoying the acts perpetrated against them. That is where they applied the word forgiveness. Forgiving themselfs for cutting because their bodys reacted, forgiving themselfs for not saying no when they felt they should have and so on.