Thank you all so much for your replies! Much appreciated. I think I sometimes lose the ability to reason when I get into a certain frame of mind and see things in a distorted way. You're right, of course, that we are not defined by children.

I've recently been slightly abandoned by mental health services due to a lack of proper provision where I live but I'm starting some private counselling next week (on a fortnightly basis to start with due to the costs) and hope to really get some of these things sorted. I might be able to go up to a weekly session by the end of the year.
I really want to put some of these ghosts to rest. There have just been too many things to deal with this year in particular, I suppose.

Thank you again! I hope you're doing well!