I'm sorry you feel bad, I do crazy sexual stuff too sometimes. At times I feel bad afterwords, at times I believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, my husband has known me for 17yrs, he pretty much lets me do what I want. I actually just yesterday started talking with new T-doc about it, and I am so excited because I'm not afraid to talk to him. Hopefully I can resolve it in my head soon, hope you can too!!!! I really have been in your situation, and then some, be careful.