Quote:
Originally Posted by want2shine
Does anyone have similar experiences of feeling flat emotionally? Withdrawn in relationship? Does this sound to you like a control thing? Am I simply controlling? I know that she finds it disturbing when I am unresponsive; my mother in law finds it worrying too when I get quiet - she worries I'm not happy.
I do take my time to adjust to people, and I can run away from group situations. But I don't find anything so super wrong with this. But just want to be able to stop myself retracting internally (loss of vitality) & would like to understand what goes on perhaps between the feeling of stress and the instinct to clam up & just go through the external motions.
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I can definitely relate to the feelings that you're struggling with, want2shine.
I have felt emotionally withdrawn, misunderstood, alone, and angry with my family for several years. There are extenuating circumstances, which complicate the issues. Of course!
But, yeah, I've tried hard to understand my behavior.
For me, I needed to take space from my family. They have a tendency to make remarks about my disturbing memories from childhood, words that don't offer sympathy or regret. Instead, in their opinion, my "memories are all mixed up". I've been struggling with these memories ~ trying to repress and then dealing with flashbacks ~ for as long as I can recall! As a result, I cannot believe them when they say that they love me, that I'm beautiful or smart, whatever. To me, all of their words are lies. That's the core root of the tension I hold towards my family.
Point is, are there underlying hurts between you and your mom (and other family)? Things that they never really acknowledged or perhaps denied the event/s entirely?
Gentle hugs sent your way...