Ygrec23 asks What is validation, really? I mean, all pain is valid, no? Why do people need to be validated?

Validation is very important to some people Ygrec23, because often family members or husbands or co-workers etc. do not believe, do not listen, cant believe in ones issue. Often victims of abuse are not believed or the real struggle is invalidated in many ways.

I can say myself that there were many times in my life that my feelings and issues were extremely invalidated and , yes, I could tell many stories where you would agree. So, to have someone say, "I believe you" and "Yes I understand what you experienced actually happened, was real and deeply disturbed you", is very important.

If you presented that you needed to overcome the abuse put upon you from your mother and everyone either would not believe that happened or did not think it should have effected you profoundly and instead accused you, it was your fault, you were weak, get over it, etc. That is in no way validating that what happened to you was wrong and deeply effected you and that you do need assitance in healing from that.

Even in PC, when someone asks a question or presents a post in here and that person is truely trying to make an effort and someone else posts a negetive reaction, or even a post that my be hurtful or overly judgemental and does not see the initial struggle and effort? I will see the one whom I know is probably suffering and may even be questioning their effort or if it was that they were bad or is it something about their illness, and I will validate their concern and that someone else was not nice. I will also validate someone who sees a wrong and makes an effort to correct that wrong, because I know that is difficult as well.

Sometimes people address an issue and have a lot of self doubt because of the issue, and if that is validated and expressed as a common occurance,don't be worried, I believe you, but here is what you can do.
That is validating a feeling and that yes we can feel that way.

I suppose that when Laing took off all his clothes and sat next to the young woman in that padded cell who was also naked and rocking, his doing that, validated her and so she spoke.

It is not just a recognition of an issue or experience, it is also validating the feelings and struggles of the individual that is so very important for a healing process to take place.

Open Eyes