jazper, please know that you are not alone. Depression is an insidious illness. After many, many years I have come to accept that it is not an illness that can be cured - only one that can be kept in check. We can take meds, see counselors, etc. But it will always be an illness we have to live with - just like diabetes. (Just my humble opinion).

We have to keep reaching out for support and talking to others who also suffer. We can share coping skills and our victories as well as our defeats.

My constant goal is just to keep falling into the black hole. I've been there twice and the last time was a number of years ago. Some days life does seem too hard, but as long as I can see peaks of sunshine, I believe in myself that I will make it.