We've been best friends for years, but I soon found myself falling for him. Last year I told him and he was so understanding, but he didn't say he had feelings for me. As much as it hurt me, we just carried on as usual which I didn't mind because at least I got it off my chest and it wasn't awkward. Now here is where the problem starts. A few of months ago he kissed me and told me he's been in love with me the whole time. So we entered this kind of secret relationship, mainly because he was good friends with my ex boyfriend, and wanted to make sure it was ok with him before we started publicly going out. Sure I can understand that, and I can understand it took him a while to pluck up the courage. But he did eventually ask, and he was fine with us going out. So here's me thinking, 'thank god I can finally be with him', sadly this was not the case. We carried on with this stupid secret relationship, I was too afraid of losing him to say anything. I just kept hoping. Eventually I finally got the courage to ask, and he just went 'It's a big step for us' and nothing else. Then he started acting like just my friend again, confusing and hurting me further. I asked him what the hell was going on between us, and he came to my house to talk. He told me he needed me, that he loved me more than anything and that he wanted to be with me. But he just couldn't. He didn't want to lose his best friend, but he loved me. He said it felt wrong sometimes, and other times it felt right. So he wanted to stay friends with me. Of course my heart was breaking at this point, it really hurt. He hugged me tightly for ages, but this lead to a kiss and him crying telling me again he needed me. I asked him why he's fighting this then, and he kissed me again and said he didn't want to fight it anymore. When he left the next day, I asked him if we're over like he said, but he just replied with he doesnt know and that he's really confused. I just can't take it no more, I don't know what to do and it's killing me. I don't think I can handle being just his best friend again like he wanted. What should i do?

Sorry for the lengthy post!