Hi sweetheart...I know you are hurting right now. It is such a big step for admitting you have an ED, you should truly be proud of yourself. It's cliche but...admitting really is the hardest step. I myself have only been out for about 4 months, after hiding for 5 years so...I can completely relate. Once you start seeing a therapist, and you get used to the feeling of opening, even just a little, I promise the anxiety will come down. Have you thought about anti-depressants? I am on 60 mg of Prozac every day, and I can tell you that it works wonders. It takes a while to feel the effects, but it helps regulate the extreme ups and low lows! and i know we've all been there! I am really glad you decided to get help Talk to me whenever you want ok??