Hi ..

I'd been feeling pretty awful and when I feel that way I usually get in touch with my previous doctor (since I've got nobody else at the moment).

I text him saying how I wanted to end everything

and his response was that I've been living in misery ever since he's known me. and that instead of death I should choose to continue to "live unhappily".

His words really really hurt, because they were proof that he doesn't think there's any chance that I can live happily.

The most I can achieve is continuing to live in misery.

I feel awful

But I think he was right

for some people, maybe that is the most they can hope for.
continuing to live, not letting themselves die, even if it means living in misery.

but I don't want that .

If those are the only two options, which I think they are, why else would he have said it, he would know, he has more than 30 years of experience in the field,
If those are the only two options death is preferable.

I've been wanting to cry since last night, but I'm holding it in , all the sadness instead of letting it dissipate. It will give me strength if I need to carry out my plans.