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Why don't you talk to your bf about your mental health issues? Just curious, since if you can share and he understands, he may get a clue why you are not ready (and may never be ready) for another child.
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"People are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into the wound to discover what your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin." - Tori Amos
Current DX (December 2019): autism spectrum disorder, unspecified personality disorder
Current RX (December 2019): Abilify 30mg, Celexa 40mg, Ativan 1mg PRN
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