I'm sorry you're dealing with such a tough situation. I don't really have any advice because I have no experience with ODD. I know that my T has been teaching me how to use natural consequences with my toddler and how I can continue to adjust it as he ages. It's all about removing myself from the equation, he makes his choices and therefore he chooses his consequences. For example, he isn't allowed in the kitchen, so if he decides to throw a toy in there, he loses the toy for the day. I didn't punish him, he made that choice himself and therefore gave himself the consequence.

I don't know if that would work with ODD but it seems like a useful tool. I have BP II also so I understand what you mean about feeling overwhelmed with the depression. It's that much harder to deal with things when your mental health gets in the way.