but she laughed, LOUDLY/hard when I told her I was still afraid of the dark and that I have to close my closet before I go to sleep.

but let me get to the good parts. I finally admitted that I am NOT doing OK, and we talked about that, and why. I shared a few small things with her that I haven't shared in the year (and few months) I've been seeing her. She told me that she's never had a client who she related to on such a familiar level, like she does with me.

The laugh--I told her I think at almost 30, I'm still a little afraid of the dark (I can't quite remember how we got to that topic). I told her that I HAVE to shut the closet door when I go to sleep because I'm still afraid of monsters in my closet. I've woken up on a few occasions with the door open (i forgot to close it) and I swear I saw a shadowy figure and freaked out. When I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I get scared that someone is waiting outside my room to hurt me the second I walk out. I pretty much have to tell myself that I'm being crazy and to get a grip but the fear consumes me until I'm safe in my bed. THEN, told her I have to sleep with the door to my room closed because I have fears that someone is going to come into my room and hurt me. If the door is shut, and someone does come in I will hear them (even if I'm sleep) and have a chance to prepare for...whatever.

After telling her that she pretty much laughed and told me I have an active imagination and that I watch too much tv (I don't watch a lot of TV, and the TV shows i watch are mainly mindless, trashy reality shows). I laughed too, mainly out of discomfort and because she was laughing, but I was SO serious. I was embarrassed after telling her, more so when she started laughing, and I wish I'd never told her.

I have no clue where this stupid fear came from, and it bothers me to no end. I have no reason to be afraid of the dark.

I know that I should bring this up the next time I see her, but I don't know if I can. I don't want to her to feel bad for laughing at me,and yet I want her to know I was so so serious about that fear...

I really don't have a question about what I should do, I know what I need to do (I'm just scared). I thought since I haven't been around in a while, I'd update you all as to where I am at in T, and how I'm doing.

thanks for reading!