The hardest part of being medicated isn't the appetite increase. It's not even the weight gain. The dry mouth. The sleepiness. The consistant GI issues or the hot flashes that leave me drenched in sweat.

It's loosing ALL my creativity I once had.


Things from the typical artsy stuff, to loosing my creativity when I talk, the way I move. The thinking of bouncing from one subject to the next in 15 different ways and putting it all back together to form some of the most eccentric stuff. People always tell me. "Lydia you are so talented". In artwork, writing, the way I speak. Coming up with subject lines and making things poetic. But I have none of that anymore. I can't win arguments. I can't make things click together like I used to. I can't walk outside and pick some wildflowers and in the process of picking bugs off and rotted leaves, make it look like a masterpiece. And the hardest thing of all is knowing that when I loose that creativity. I am better. I can never have both. They will never coexist.