My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years. Our relationship has had its ups and downs and for the most part we stay happy. We laugh together, we share common interests, have fun... He's so helpful and kind. I've had a lot of trust in our relationship over the last couple years until recently. I had a couple of seizures a month or so back and since then things have gone down hill. We fight a lot more. Most of the time we can solve the problems but we are fighting so much more than normal. He's getting mad at me more easily and I'm getting jealous over everything. He doesn't tell me some things anymore because he thinks I will get mad at him I'm sure. A new girl started working at his job supposedly but he didn't tell me. Work is something he doesn't talk about with me. I've brought this up with him before and he says it puts me in a bad mood when he talks about it or because I hate my job he says I talk about it all the time but since he likes his job he doesn't feel the need to talk about it? That's his excuse. Anyways, so apparently there is yet another chick working with him alone. He works with one person a day and when he works with like 8 females and one male... This is a hard fact for me to swallow sometimes with me being so insecure. But now here comes a new chick and he doesn't even tell me. He's been hiding his schedule more and more... I just don't know... I don't think he would cheat on me. He tells me every day so many wonderful things. But the relationship is on the rocks and he's changing. He used to bring things to my work because he enjoyed seeing me, he also would help a lot more willingly. He would cook for me and do things like laundry for me and help with my daughter. But lately he seems to act like it's a pain in the neck to do these things that he has acted like he has enjoyed for the last 2 years.
So now I'm stuck. I've got this fight or flight issue. I don't know what to do. I've always been like this. Everytime he and I argue I argue until I'm blue in the face and if we don't get anywhere and things don't get better I prepare myself to leave. I get panicked and start to convince myself that I will be fine without him, I will make it and things will be OK. I don't like these thoughts, I don't want to leave. With us fighting so much and the fact that I don't feel like anything I am trying to do to get us out of this rut is making much of a difference, I'm getting more and more ready to leave. I don't know what it is. I don't know if maybe I am reading into things far too much and just letting my fears and insecurities take over or if I should be worried for our relationship. I really care for him and don't want to go anywhere. What do I do? Every time I think about it... I freak out. My thinking process basically goes... "He's working with nothing but girls... He really loves his job... With all the girls (when really it's because he loves dogs and works with dogs)... He is spending a ton of time with these girls... Maybe he's not really at work... Maybe he's somehow lying about his schedule... Nah... But... Maybe he's going to be interested in a girl he works with and start realizing I'm worthless... He probably is already starting to see that... He's going to leave me soon.... I've already pushed too far with my insecurities it can't be fixed... He's done with me.... I have to run... Leave before it gets worse and hurts. Leave before he breaks my heart..."The thoughts continue but I love him so much I'm afraid to leave too... But I'm so afraid to be hurt... I don't know what to do... Please help