((((jlock4507))))

That is so sad! Just because you are struggling with an emotional illness, that does not make you the evil one who caused all of the distance between you and your hub. He could have been, and should have been more committed to helping you. "In sickness and in health..." Don't these words mean anything anymore??

I just find this reality of our world SO depressing, sorry.

Regarding your children, it is hard either way. My ex and I didn't let years of misery and resentment build up between us before we separated and a year or two later, we divorced. My SIL waited until their children were 16 or older, hoping that they'd be more emotionally prepared. The children pick up on the tension regardless. It really puts them in a bind, not wanting to show more love to Dad than to Mom (and vice-versa). The same way that we try to show our children that we love them individually just as much as the other/s. Not an easy concept to get across!

My point is, I do understand not wanting to put your children through the pain of divorce and splitting custody, who will be their "primary custodian", etc. But, in my experience, the sooner it's done, the sooner you can begin working on re-building their faith in your love for them. That you aren't going to ever leave them. It can be real uncomfortable at times, just like now though.

You do the best that you can. That is what you can do to make your children's lives a better world. Personally, I'd recommend keeping your children's lives as stable as you can throughout the process of ending it with their father. Keeping them in the same house (if possible), going to the same school, etc. That really does help!