(((lynn P.)))

I'm sorry that you've reached the end with your husband. Have you thought about using mediation, to keep the divorce as "positive" as you can? That's what my ex and I did ~ as neither of us wanted our separation to hurt the girls. That was our motivation.

We had to work together, to come up with custody/visitation plans, etc. But that certainly gave us more freedom. Some things weren't real important to me, and vice-versa, so mediation made that pretty simple. My ex and I have mainly stayed on friendly terms with one another since our divorce. I cried several times as I realized the depth.

But, it was nice to get my ex, his attorney and the counseling mediator to leave for a few minutes while I cried. My attorney stayed with me, for social support.

Bottom line: mediation wasn't super easy, but it was a lot less painful than it would have felt in a courtroom. In mediation, we met in our attorneys offices. All sitting around the same table, talking about options and decisions. We all wanted to make things as easy and painless as possible for everyone ~ but especially our daughters. We made the right decision for us. It really was as positive as it could be. And that was important to us.

Eric and I were married for 14 years +1 (which I don't count, because we were in the process of mediation for exactly one year). A long time spent with one another. It's hard to let go of that sometimes. But, you will always have a bond with one another, and that is your children. The feelings come in waves, usually spread out though. Sometimes I get waves of sadness that we couldn't fix our marriage. (That's most common for me, personally.) Other times, I get a wave of anger that Eric doesn't push the girls to drink their milk ~ while their bones are being built, very important! Mostly, I have acceptance.

I've developed a relationship with another man, re-kindling my interest in the bedroom. Life goes on....

Gentle hugs sent your way ~ try to take things one day at a time. It is an emotional time for you and your hub, keep that in mind. We often say things that we don't really mean when we're super emotional. Try not to give in on everything, in hopes to make your hub happy. If X isn't real important to you, great. That makes the experience easier for both of you. Just remind yourself that the decisions that you're making will be in effect very long-term, so make sure you're using good judgment in the decisions.