Thanks Mediator,
Just knowing you care is enough. It was a long weekend for me, and I just was not expecting to have so much take place all at once and it was all very triggering and hard. Luckily I had an appointment with my T today but by the time I got to his office I was shivering with nerves and exhausted. And I took some medication while I was in the waiting room because I was so bad. My therapist near the end thought that maybe we could call my attorney together, he too was upset. I even talked to him about writing a letter so my attorney could understand how much I am truely struggling. And my T said that would be fine too. But I am hesitant with that because my attorney may use that against me in some way. At this point I honestly am not sure what he might do with a letter and given my past everyone looks for a weakness, a way out of their lies or mistakes or whatever they do wrong.

There is an old saying, never give someone a stick they can beat you with.

Oh and I have learned that so well. I had a nice little horse that I kept at my neigbors years back and I was a leader and she was coleader of a brownie troop. I did pretty much all the work even took care of the cookie selling job because no one would do it. Well, that woman decided to take my horse and saddle it up and ride it without my permission and she jumped it and perminently lamed it. She never gave any money in vet bills and helped with the horse at all.
I had just discovered that my husband was an alcoholic and made the mistake of seeking her comfort, and inso doing gave her a very big stick and she used that stick many times and I was really hurt and so was my daughter. I lost my troop, my daughter lost her friends and we were very alone and often isolated. It was bad enough for me but should never have happened to a cute and sweet little six year old girl. Many times I drove her to school because I knew how difficult that bus ride was, I knew that cruelty in my own past.

Open Eyes