Lynn, Someone recently advised me that chemistry fades with time and what becomes important are all of the other qualities we have to offer someone. Be true to yourself. Reinforce the qualities which you have shared as you built a life, a family and friendships.
Your intent to keep things civil, not fight over stuff, play fair and protect your family from the ugliness is commendable. Be as compassionate as possible.There's no weakness in that. Only love.This is who you are.These are your qualities. What he will be missing.
As to his coldness.. it's instinctive to become defensive. To withdraw from what he may see as a threat. He will be expecting the worst. He will defend as such.
Stay on message. Keep your chin up...that knowing smile there to guide others.
I know that you are upset enough already Lynn, but please listen...
*I can't stress a point more than this...You say you have not made a move legally. It is imperative, CRITICAL, that you file first! Do not wait another day if possible.
I know this goes against your nature Lynn and I wish my X was just like you,(wouldn't probably be divorced but you are going to have to play hardball with the legal system.
"shezbut" is right on target suggesting mediation. It neutralizes lawyer on lawyer courtroom histrionics which is where is gets ugly. Mediate in a peaceful, fair, place. YOUR choice! Make this your request as you file the proper documents with the court.
Start by filing ASAP. FIRST! I hate this too but you have to defend yourself or possibly be at his mercy indefinitely. It's a harsh reality. Please deal with it. Put all the fairness you can think of in the documents. Be true to yourself. Know that you have done the right thing. Everything is going to be OK Lynn.
Oh, and by the way...
Thank you so much for pointing out that all my little qualities are ultimately what matter and that there's more to me than just a chemical rush. Thanks for sharing your goodness. It's what matters.