My whole life, my mother has been the ONLY constant family member in my life. My father, grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins all were around sporadically and when they were, there was never really any love shown. No one was ever excited to see me or took any interest. My grandfather did, but of course he died when I was 4 and my second oldest brother got killed by the cops when I was just 14.
All of this hurt me so much, I think I subconsciously taught myself to numb myself to it. If they don't and won't care, then i'll do the same. So, my oldest brother who was in jail when I had my son, just had a kid saturday. Since he was never around for me, I have no emotions towards the birth of his kid. I refuse to give his kid any more thought than he gave mine. He does a lot for my son NOW, since he's been out of jail the last 2 years, but i'm still hung up on how he wasn't there for me really at all for ANY important events in my life.

So, I know it's not the baby's fault, but it wasn't my sons fault either when he was born and no one was really there. I just feel that I have to make people feel how I felt because it hurt and still does hurt very much that no one was or is there. I won't talk to my grandmother because she doesn't act like one, same with the rest of my family.

It's an awful coping mechanism I have learned, but I was formed into this mental mess by these people. Maybe once I actually see the kid something might change, but I'm in no hurry to see him. Don't want to hold him or anything, just because his father is a HUUUUUGE A**hole.

So, please tell me your views on this. ALL comments are welcome!