Oh my, this thread has brought back all the horrible things I went through with my Mother as she was dying of cancer at the end of 2004 & beginning of 2005 when she died. It is so hard when they refuse to do what is really necessary for them our of emotional thinking rather than logic. Unfortunately, I dont know if my mother had a mild stroke or if the cancer had finally gone to her brain, but none of the Dr's were willing to say that she was imcapable of making decisions for herself when I could look at her & see that she couldn't even figure out how to make change for $100, I didn't know what a baby horse was called.

Her Dr, up to 3 weeks before she died swore to me that "he got it all" in the surgery & the next day when I put her into a nursing home was told by the Dr I had for her that her lungs were completely full of cancer. I knew it would be only weeks or days until she died, but had no support from anyone. They didn't even suggest hospice care until 5 days before she died & even at the end, when she couldn't talk or know who was with her no one ever did what was necessary to take away her power to decide.

I blame them & have so much anger left for my mother because her decisions allowed for the situation where the home care RN stole her ID & so many other things that happened in those 5 days before the RN OD'ed her on morphine which thank heavens landed her back in the hospital. I have posted quit a bit on that trauma so don't want to go into it, but am still having trouble getting through it with my psychologist. I am having a very hard time letting go of the anger I have toward her & don't know if I will ever be able to let go of it.....even tried writing her a letter & it did nothing to help. Being acused by the police of abusing her was an experience that I will never forget & the triggers for just a simple thing like misplacing things (which the RN would do) just set me off so bad I can't handle it at all.

It is a very hard situation to be in taking care of our parents especially when we aren't allowed to be legally in the position to make the right decisions. Seems like society is so worried that we will take advantage of the situation, but never thinking about the situations they can put us in because of bad decisions that aren't even made by a capable mind.

I have tried to reply to your post several times & just couldn't get out the right words because of the emotions that I have experienced being in a similar situation.

Just try to be careful as possible & try to be in as much control as possible in helping to make decisions. I know my Mother wanted to be at home so bad & she minupalated it probably not consciously, but successfully for her so that I was never there when the important issues were discussed with the social workers & her Dr's. Make sure that you are always included in those situations so that you are able to know better what is really needed & can maybe be an influence on making the right choices.

Unfortunately, the stress that I was put under from the trauma landed me in the medical hospital for about 2 months, being treated for the massive weight loss that stress causes in me. Making funeral arrangements from the hospital while having IV feeding & continuous tests being run is a horrible situation to be in, but the only good thing was that my GP made sure I had psychological support daily. But going AMA, with the hospital's pdoc threatening to put me on a 72 hour hold, added to my stress too.

Make sure you take care of yourself, but by being able to make the right decisions for your Mother can help your keep out of situations that you have problems living with for the rest of your life.

It is a tough place to be in, but it happens all too often & it is hard not to get trapped into a situation like that.

If you ever need to PM for any support, I am here & willing to provide any support you may need. I know that having no support was hard....I didn't know where to turn for answers & felt so trapped (being the only child & only family member left alive) with even her church's pastor threatening me to back off of the police report I made against the RN. No one would answer my questions with the truth & not a bit of support through the whole time......made it rough & left me with anger that I am having a hard time dealing with even though I know there is no point in holding on to it anymore.

Take care of yourself above all,
Debbie