What if you could let everyone 'in', and took life as it is now, from this day forward?
I hear in your post that you wish things were different. They can be and it's up to you. Healing old hurts is really helpful to move on and build new relationships, even new relationships with those people already in our lives.

You have suffered many, many hurts . I hope you are working with a psychotherapist to help your life, and your son's life, feel much better.