Lynn, good for you for trying to keep the proceedings amicable and putting your kids first. Keep your eyes on the prize--happy, well-adjusted, thriving kids--and that will help you keep on track with many divorce decisions.
No one has mentioned collaborative divorce--that's different from mediation and does not involve going to court. My former husband and I used that method to dissolve our marriage. It is available in Canada. I think it offers a bit more protection than mediation; anyway, it worked for us--we have a very cordial co-parenting relationship. Go here for more information:
http://www.collaborativepractice.com/
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Originally Posted by lynn P.
For now I'm going to see if he actually is having papers drawn up and whats in those papers. As far as I know I don't think I could be railroaded
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Lynn, I'm a little concerned that you're being kind of passive on this. This is a super important document! I think it would be so helpful to you if you could be involved in its creation. Can you and your H and a lawyer sit down together to draw this up? That way both of your ideas can be incorporated? If your H draws up the papers, yes, you can always say no to certain things, but it has a really different flavor to "opt out" like that, instead of creating something together that you both are OK with from the start. I urge you to be involved and not just leave the legal stuff up to him. Be a team and do it together.
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Originally Posted by lynn P.
At this point I don't know if he's going to sell the house.
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This is what I mean about being passive, Lynn. It's not up to him to sell the house. You both need to be involved in that decision. You own that house together, don't you? Please keep communication open. If you "don't know", that is not a good sign. Talk about the house with him.
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Originally Posted by lynn P.
I also will agree to him seeing the girls whenever he wants to.
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If you're having an amicable and civil divorce, won't you have joint custody? Then you don't have to specify things in the document like he can see the girls any time. He's their dad--let's hope he can see them, and live with them too, at least part of the time. Remember, eyes on the prize. Do what's best for the girls. For many children, that's often joint custody (unless one of the parents is abusive, lives far away, etc.). Kids need both their parents. Joint custody doesn't mean 50/50 equal time spent with the children, just some time, and that both parents have input into important decisions about their children. My former H and I have joint ("shared") custody, although my girls spend more time with me (about 65/35).
Good luck to you, lynn. It's a sad time, but can also be a relief. Like walking around after you take your heavy ski boots off. You may feel like you can fly when it's over.