My Support Forums - View Single Post - Is there something you'd like to tell your therapist but you can't?

scorpiosis37 · Sep 20, 2011, 02:25 AM

Dear T,

Today, you commented on how happy I have been lately and said it must be due, in part, to all of the people I have in my life who care about me and support me. You listed the names of my friends, my partner, my colleagues—and then yourself. It meant a lot to me that you included yourself as one of the people who are “in my life” and “in my corner.” It showed me that you view things the same way I do; even though this is a professional relationship, it is a “real” relationship nonetheless.

When I came in today, I was nervous about making a particular request. I wasn’t sure how you would react or whether you would start asking me questions. It put me at ease when you simply said “yes, of course, I’d be happy to.” It made me feel, once again, as though you’re “on my side.” It made me feel like we’re a team—and if anything stands in my way, then it’s standing in our way. I’ve felt that way very few times in my life—that feeling of being unconditionally accepted and cared about—that feeling of not being alone; of not having to do everything myself.

I truly appreciate the way you are with me and everything you have given me. You make me feel loved, even if you don’t use that word. I don’t need you to use that word either—I don’t care what language you use. All I need is to feel an affective response from you; to feel you interact with me from a place of loving kindness. And I do. When I was talking today about my childhood, I could see your reaction in your eyes. I could see them get red around the edges, and I saw you blink and rub them a few times. It showed me how much you cared; you didn’t need to say a word. I also appreciate your willingness to hug me.

Sometimes touch can be therapeutic in ways that words can’t. There is something about someone deciding that you’re huggable, that makes you feel huggable—makes you feel as though you are deserving of care, affection and tenderness—like you’re not “untouchable” or “unlovable.” That kind of safe touch is also nurturing and protective; it’s grounding and maternal. It makes me feel taken care of, and that’s something else I haven’t really experienced before. I haven’t had the experience of feeling so safe and secure around an adult woman. Feeling that way around you seems to be transforming the way I relate to people as well— transforming my attachment style. Having a secure attachment with you is making me capable of having secure attachments with others.

Today, I also noticed that you made a conscious effort to do something I asked. A few weeks ago, I brought up how I told you one of my family members said “X” (something negative about me), and how I had wanted you to say “No, Scrop, X is not true.” When I finally brought this up, your response was “Gosh, Scrop, I thought you KNEW X was not true. I thought that was a given. I’m so sorry you didn’t know that.” It was the best response you could have had and it made me feel so validated. And today, when I brought up that the same family member said Y this time, you immediately and loudly said “No! Y is not true!” The way you jumped to say it, and say it so vehemently, almost made me laugh. But it also showed me that you had listened to what I said before and were making a conscious effort to let me know that you do not see me the way Family Member does. Rather, you let me know that you like me and you think I’m a pleasure to be around. It makes such a difference.

Thank-you for everything.

Love,

ScorpioSis