Since 2006 I have been saying I want a divorce but he doesn't listen. Since he threatened to make it ugly I haven't made the 1st move. I firmly stated in an email the other day, that I wanted a divorce since there's nothing left to salvage in the marriage and I can see its affecting the girls. All along I've reassured him, it would be civil and I don't want to ruin him financially. In others words I will be the ideal ex wife. All I want is fairness and I don't want to fight over things. His response to the email was "okay divorce done". Usually when he calls to say goodnight to the girls he'll say "how are you" - he didn't. In other words he's giving me the cold shoulder.

I find it difficult to talk to him in person, so I sent another email the next day saying - if the kids sense you're being this way, it will only stress them out, so why not be civil at least. We have a friend who's a divorce lawyer and he said this morning that he talked to her but she can't handle the case since she's a friend to both of us. She can draw up some papers and recommend another lawyer. So it seems like this is progressing finally. I should feel relieved and part of me does but the other part of me feels scared since I haven't been single for 27 yrs and known him for 34 yrs.

At this point I don't know if he's going to sell the house. I know its common to miss even dysfunctional relationships because change is scary.