There is a post of mine titled by wolfsong in creative corner that you may want to read.Tried to post the link,but failed.If religion is distasteful to you,try to overlook that and see the message I tried to convey in this old post of mine.I struggle with hurt that equals anger.I hate it.I see that it only robs ME.Therefore,it is in my best interest to forgive.You may end up being a light shining in the childs darkness and a soft place to fall.Try to understand that this child is a clean slate and has made no offence by the fact it was born to him.You CAN take control of thoughts.I obsessively had a very disturbing repetitive thought that almost destroyed me.I battled it.I would war with it by repeating a verse of a song which countered the thought,and sometimes even wrote it out in my head.

You say I can't do it because I already doubt it will work.The only way to change....is to want to change.You have to want it.If you are comfortable remaining in this state of toxic bitterness and don't want to 'do the work' of forgiving them,forgiving you,accepting the past was jacked up,but is still the past,you remain bound to it.The only thing focusing on it does is to isolate you from these relationships which may provide you some growth and healing,and even colors the relationships you DO cultivate.The power to transform yourself to be 'not like them' is within you.If you wish to heal,you must make a choice.None of it is really dependent on accepting/loving the child.But it is at the core of your pain that you are hurt....which manifests anger,and that turns into bitterness,and healing will occur when you release the power of bitterness,and its power over you.I am just like you and the fight to feel good inside is something I must always contend with,it requires me to always be mindful.Mindful that my thoughts can damage me,so I must revise my thought process and replace it with healthy purposeful thoughts.Don't feel guilty for how you feel,just understand that you are hurt and need to heal.

p.s your status in your profile says :Alone completely.How can you change that?What can you do to bring relief to feelings of being alone?