I'm so desperate to lose the weight I've gained (a lot due to meds.) I was cycling about 100 miles a week last year, but even then only managed to maintain the weight I was at rather than lose any. Since then, though, I've just got more and more sedentry as the depression has set in and the necessity of cycling (to work) has ceased, and my weight has gone up.

I wholeheartedly tried healthy eating for a few weeks recently, but didn't see any results from it, and so lost motivation to 'deprive' myself of things I wanted. Craved. Needed.

My weight is really getting out of control now, but I've been so down these past few weeks that I've been falling into old habits of comfort eating. I can barely face 'real' food at the moment - I'm literally dry-heaving at the sight of fruit - all I feel I can eat right now is chocolate, biscuits, and crisps. And once I start eating them I often can't stop until I start to feel sick - at which point I want to purge, trouble is, I don't know if I feel worse about the calories or the purging (as I'm really trying to stop doing that.)

I'm my own worst enemy. I literally have one miniskirt that just about fits me that I wear with leggings, a couple pairs of baggy combat pants, and jodhpurs that are at full stretch and that I look ridiculous in. None of my jeans will go anywhere near. (Not even my 'fat' jeans.) (Not even my FAT 'fat' jeans.) I've gone up more than 3 bra sizes. I've got new stretch marks. I have a double chin, you guys!

I want to exercise, and each day I tell myself I'm going to do it, but I feel so tired and lacklustre. This depression totally saps my motivation. The only thing I've managed to keep up is horseriding on average a couple times a week - and I don't think my horse is loving the extra load, y'anno?

I've always battled to keep my weight down, but I've never been this big before. I feel disgusting. It's all I think about. Which is why I'm so mad at myself for carrying on going to the store and buying more junk to eat, then eating that junk. I just. Can't. Stop!

I've told my doctors, asked them for advice... nothing. They don't care.

Diet and exercise, right?

But seriously, what do I do?