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Originally Posted by lynn P.
The collaborative or civil divorce is exactly what I want.
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Lynn, I am glad you are interested in collaborative divorce. As I mentioned, it affords more protection than mediation, and from some of the things you've written, I think you need that protection. In collaborative divorce, both party's lawyers should be collaboratively trained, so you do have to discuss this at the outset so both you and your H can make sure to choose collaboratively trained lawyers (not all divorce lawyers have this training). To find a collaborative lawyer near you, go to the link below. When you find one, if your H doesn't know where to go to get his own, you can have your own lawyer recommend other collaborative practitioners to him.
http://www.collaborativepractice.com/_loc.asp
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Originally Posted by lynn P.
I have to give a bit of history, but will say I won't sign anything unless its fair. He on the other hand is interested in reading law cases and is kind of a wannabe lawyer. He had several law suits through out the yrs and several friends who are lawyers. Since he's has potential/history of being emotionally abusive I have to tip toe around him. Yes I basically have been cornered to be passive. He's extremely controlling especially with money, so I don't know how he's going to manage giving me money without knowing where every penny goes. I literally have to ask for money to get groceries.
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All of these things mean you really need your own lawyer. You need legal counsel to help you know if something is fair, and because your H has this interest in law, he will be quite a bit more knowledgable than you, so again, this means you need a lawyer to even things out. If he has been emotionally abusive and is controlling, again, you need your own lawyer. Your collaborative lawyer will help you find your voice and not be so passive.
Because your H is so controlling about money, you might consider getting a lump sum payout for your settlement instead of alimony (aka spousal support). That way you can be over and done with his spousal support payments to you and not have to stress each month on whether he will pay or not. Of course, he will still need to do child support payments (unless you make quite a bit more money than he does), but he might be more willing to make those since they are for the kids.
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Originally Posted by lynn P.
If he's having papers drawn up, I suppose that would take a few days so I'm going to wait and see. I don't think 1 lawyer can represent both of us, so I admit this is nerve wracking.
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If you do collaborative divorce, you each need a lawyer. Some people who do mediation get by with only one. I do not recommend only one lawyer for you because of everything you have said about your H.
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Originally Posted by lynn P.
I know he struggles with not wanting to lose control over me. I have a feeling he might try to dodge a set amount given to me monthly and instead make it voluntary.
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Definitely do not go the one lawyer route, then. Get two lawyers who will cooperate and be civil, but you will each have your own representation.
I'm glad you were able to tell your girls and it went fairly well. That is hard news to have to share.
I hope you're able to stay near your daughter's school so she can continue there and not lose her friends. That stability will help her through this time.