Maybe i should just start talking to t about those pieces that i DO remember. I wasn't ready to do it a long time ago when we talked about it.

I mean i wasn't ready to deal with the emotions connected to it.

I get so flooded by overwhelming emotions, though, whenever i let myself get in touch with that part of me that hurts. It makes me feel re-traumatized and i sometimes feel exhausted for 2 days afterward.

As long as i don't address or indulge the memories that come up, i can function much better.

But then i sort of feel like an emotionless robot going through the motions, and in the back of my mind i know i am ignoring my subconscious that is poking at me.

I'm scared about getting the story "wrong." Like what if i seem to remember that X happened and that Y did it. . .but in reality maybe X happened and Z did it. . .or X didn't happen and i dreamed it?? I will feel like a liar, and in my religion, we do not believe in lying. In fact, the Bible says God hates a liar. I don't want to blame the wrong person. How can i process my memories without pinning it on the person who keeps coming to my mind?