Hi Open Eyes,

I had a totally different experience that lead me to have PTSD, but I struggle with the exact same issues that you struggle with today. This whole idea of mean people everywhere and you begin to feel like a target and have nobody left to trust. Then people gather the opinion as if you're the crazy lady when you really aren't. If somebody says something mean to me that has nothing to do with anything important in my life, it sends me to pieces for days! I treat all with respect and would never say something mean to somebody & so I wonder why all these people feel the need to tell me everything I do wrong or strangers treating me horribly. And then it turns into a fear that anytime you go to do anything, this is going to happen, so when it does, you overreact and throw a fit (or at least I do). This is the result of things that happen way in the past and it is a hard thing to shake. The general public has no idea what PTSD is and cannot begin to understand the 1st thing about it.

On to the lawyer thing...I am one (not practicing!) and my husband is one and practicing law. He does more commercial litigation stuff though. But has far as the judicial system goes (my PTSD struggle involved a couple court cases that ended up going to trial and ended up lasting 5 years due to all the delays for this and that...you know.), they do give the accused many rights and it seems like the victims really don't get any rights. Attorneys do this day in and day out, and I really don't think they care when things happen, how long they get prolonged, or what your feelings are. Occasionally there is an anomaly, but that is the gist I get. It is their job, and your priorities just aren't the same as yours...it's one of those things that isn't right, yet we do not have the ultimate control how things proceed. Most of these feelings have come about from the cases I just dealt with. The trials I had to testify in were both in Mass & I live in PA, and they would sometimes give me one days notice to get up there. And there were times when I went up there and the trial was cancelled last minute. It's a whole roller coaster of emotions and the lawyers just move on which kinda leaves you to pick up the pieces of yourself....not an easy task for someone with PTSD.

Anyway, please push on with this legal battle because these neighbors need to know that you are serious and a competent person who knows what isn't right...which is so very true. I thought of quitting my case several times, but there were convictions both times (this was criminal whereas it sounds like yours is civil). Either way, it will make you feel better if you put your best foot forward with this and do all that you can do, because you are very capable and don't deserve to have anyone take advantage of you.

I am in your boat and would be glad to help you paddle...as long as you pick up my slack at times.

As to the EMDR that I know you were contemplating at some time, wait until this court ordeal is done. That way you will be able to give it your all.

I had no idea