Hey, Tony,

I know what you're talking about. Having lived my whole life with a similar propensity. Other people (nasty people) find it all too easy to find my weak spots and zap me there. I've never known how they do it, or why exactly I'm vulnerable in those particular spots. But recently, with T, I've found out. Underneath everything, I have a very, very negative view of myself. And the reason these other people can "zap" me is because underneath it all I think of myself as s**t. It turns out that the reason I think of myself as s**t is because of the way I was treated as an infant. Abuse and all that. That kind of thing leaves a lasting scar, in the form of an unconscious conviction that one is dirt, without value, hopeless, worth less than nothing. And then much later on these other people tune in to that kind of feeling and take advantage of it to make you miserable.

So the first thing you need to do (if you don't have a T and can't address the issue directly) is realize that you're a decent guy, certainly as decent as anyone else, and these jerks who torment you are sadists who would torment a baby, completely worthless, the lowest of all scum, and that they justify whatever you do to them in revenge. Not that you have to or should get violent, no. But you can ignore their provocations, and at the same time give them as much verbal s**t as you feel like, because they really do deserve it.

Hope this helps!