Thanks unhappyguy,
When all this first happened and I began to have to address so many injuries and the severity of the damage and even the death of my dearest pony, I wasn't sleeping and I was really hypervigiallant and I was wrapped up in constantly caring for these injured animals and I had to handwalk my daughters horse and he is a really big horse and he was walking me, and if he even caught a glimpse of the neighbor's dog he would get all upset and even rear up. And this horse was never like this, he was placid and very easy going so it was a real challenge and I had to walk him in increasing lengths of time and let me tell you, walking a strong animal around in a sand ring, praying he would not catch that neighbor's dog in his sights was a nerve racking draining task. And I ended up with planters facietous in both my feet and I never had even heard of that. And I was in so much pain I really could bearly walk and I would crawl to the bathroom at night, and I still had to walk this and others as well and run a farm. It was pretty bad. And I also had a hospital like stall for the pony that eventually died and we nursed her for over a month every day with IV's and trying to feed her a watery gruel with a syringe.

And I broke bad, I think I was really in shock and I just could not get up one more day. And I spoke those words that sent me to a psychward and that experience was terrible, just awful. And my room had no heat and I was already shivering and the other patients all knew it was the room with no heat. And they never really let you sleep, they disturb you every 15 minutes and so I had to learn how to sleep every 15 minutes and they would open my door every 15 minutes and at that time I hadn't realized how much doors are a big trigger to me. And every 15 minutes my body filled with a rush of nerves. I would never go back there, ever. And I didn't know what PTSD was. And they kept giving me medication that made me so ill. And all I kept asking for was sleep and grief couceling and I got neither.

I had obtained an attorney before I got really exhausted and while I was in the hospital and eventually came home and got well enough I tried to contact her and she had left her firm and was dealing with some personal issues and so my lawsuit has been going on for just about 4 years now. So my wearyness is valid, I have done a lot of paperwork for my case.

And it is not me that forgets dates, it is my attorney. He even made an appointment with me and I went to see him and he didn't remember making the appointment and what it was for. And he did that with my daughter too.

So my trying to stay on top of this has really been a challenge. And at one appointment he told me it would be another six months, then another time he said one year and than another appointment he said two years and this last time there was no time frame just a lot longer, and more years. So, in that regard, I am lost. I have never done or gone through anything like this before.

I think I need to tape record him or something. But that would make him angry, geez, I don't know. I have to say, I often wonder how much of that old capacity is really there? And how do you ask a question like that, I have tried in as polite a way as I can.

And I honest do not believe that this last deposition was scheduled Sunday afternoon for Monday. And I talked to the receptionist and she told me he is always there on weekends working and he works a lot.
And I really think that he may be practicing old habits of being busy all the time and he is just so used to that constant work but his brain can't keep up with that anymore. I honestly don't know but that is what my gut tells me.

And, if I sign these papers and it is just him handling my case as the firm is disolving now, I will have nothing backing him. He will only have a paralegal and a secretary and I have not met either, they are never around when I am there. And they don't feel comfortable talking to me instead of me working with just him, it is strange. And I don't know if thats normal or not. So it is not like I can call the paralegal and just chat with whoever it is and tell that person to please keep me informed of a depositon. It is just really strange.

I made an appointment and sat and talked to him and told him how I am diagnosed with depression and knows about the PTSD and that I really need to know what is going on and be informed of the depositions coming up, and this is after one was scheduled for a month and he just forgot and canceled on the day it was scheduled. I honestly wonder if he remembers that appointment. Obviously he didn't get the message and I really made myself clear.

And there is a part of me that wonders if the summer was all about everyones vacations and less about proceeding forward. Well, I never got any vacation. And there is no one to help me with these animals right now. My daughter moved out.

At least my daughter got her deposition in and I was supposed to get a copy and I never got it and when I was in his office he couldnt find it.
He told me he would find it and send it and I never got it and this appointment was over 2 months ago.

Oh, I don't know, I am feeling better tonite and hopefully I will be better tomarrow and Ill give him a call. I just know I can't talk to him all upset.

And I really appreciate your feed back, it really helped a lot, I don't feel so alone.

Open Eyes