Open Eyes Your goal to keep a home for these horses who might not have a value in the market place, but whose value you do see, is a noble cause. I hope some miracle can make you have some security. To worry about whether you can continue caring for these feeling creatures who you love is the worst anxiety I can think of. (Well, there are worse. But love is involved here.) Worry about the welfare of these horses probably stresses you more than worry about yourself. They can't take care of themselves. That is huge to have on your shoulder.

I adopted a dog who turned out to be too much for me to handle. I tried getting her adopted and I went through one of the worst things emotionally I ever went through. An expert in Border Collies told me that she really was not adoptable. I did even think about euthanizing her. Well, I decided she loved me too much for me to do any option but keep her. She was real pretty and I knew lots of people would take her on her looks. But most wouldn't meet her special needs. They would just give her up again. So I had to keep her. It was the hardest thing I ever did. That dog was like a special needs child. I think she had a pretty good life with me, despite her emotional issues. But I did have to curtail my work schedule to work around when I could get care for her while I was at work. I lost a lot of money, refusing shifts because I couldn't leave her alone. It was an impossible situation. I stayed in a bad domestic situation because he came in handy to help with her care. Now it's behind me. I don't miss the stress. You couldn't pay me to take in another troubled dog. But - oh - my walls are decorated with photographs of her. She was the best friend I ever had. I am so glad I did the best I could for her. On my knees, I thank heaven that I found a way not to have to put her back in the adoption mill. Because I did have to work. The last summer of her life, I had to take her to work with me and let her sleep in the car. (The timing for that was lucky cause I worked night shift in the summer, and my boyfriend was hospitalized for months.) It was a job where I could go out frequently and walk her a bit and give water and a snack. It was a case of solving problem after problem, and I near lost my mind. So I do feel for you, because you care about you animals. I only had one, and that responsibility felt tremendous hard at times.

I hope you can keep your farm.