Part of my depression is how hard I have come down on myself for not being able to work during major depression. I had been out of work for a long time, then found a job, then I was let go. I was really hurt by it. I allowed myself to feel hopeful and excited that this would be the company for me. I put my all into the job, but it wasn't enough apparently - or something. Everyone seems to tell me they were being totally flaky. It only lasted 3 months. I was just looking at my resume, at all the things I have done in the past and it makes me feel exhausted and confused. Where did I get all of that energy? How did I do that stuff in the past? Today I felt able to get out of the house to buy soap and pick up my prescription at the drugstore and that was good. But it was a struggle.
Tonight I am going into the city to attend a school fair, to see if it's right for me. I am really trying to push myself.
I just sent my resume to a company and I was glad to get a call back right away. It turns out they do industrial stuff, which I love and I find very interesting. But I now realize that a lot of their work is for military applications. Gak. I feel conflicted about this. While I am a supporter of our American military (of course) I don't really condone our current super-sized military industrial complex or most of our recent wars. I am going to go to the interview anyway since I do have experience in industrial sales. And I am trying to not have any expectations, just go with it. Still, when I found out about the military connection I was like, really? Why me? Why couldn't this have been a nice company that makes things for builders or contractors. Why military applications. I'm too liberal for this. Gah... Now I am really going on... Thanks for listening.