Hi Peaches..

Sounds like in opening up to your T about wanting to discuss again the issue of past abuses and traumas that ya'll ended up having an incredible session and a lot of revelation. I had picked up on the invalidation of your mom when you had told her about your sister.. Between that and the church and everything else, I can certainly understand your reluctance. I think the idea of just dealing with the emotions and letting yourself remember what you do remember without "having" to put a name or face to it for now is a great idea..just let if flow and untangle at it's own pace.

You know a few years back..I was working in a financial institution up in a high rise and someone had been getting into some of the ladies' purses and stealing some money and things. At one point, I had caught a girl behind my associate's desk as she was standing up. She had no business at all in my area of the institution (it was off limits) and my friend kept her purse down there. I was SO incredibly hesitant to do or say anything or to place blame. Finally I did say something. They brought in an outside detective, and he questioned me at length. I told him in a very detailed way EXACTLY what I had seen, where her hands were and everything she did. He told me in NO uncertain terms that I had witnessed an attempted theft, and had foiled it by walking in on her. In the end, it turned out that she had a drug addiction, and had been the thief, and all thefts stopped after she left. A kind hearted banker had brought her in as a friend of the family.

The point is...I too had been trained not to blame others and had been shushed and invalidated enough as a child not to trust my own eyes. I was so embarrassed to lay blame for something as serious as theft in a financial institution. I felt terrible guilt for getting her fired. My wonderful boss who was the only other one that ever knew what had happened gave me a firm but kind talking to about it finally...he could see my hurt.

Invalidation and not being heard or listened to is an INCREDIBLY POWERFUL force. I'm so glad you recognize that mother part in you and how domineering she can be over your other younger selves. I hope you can learn to work around her and let your T and your adult self honour and cherish and truly "hear" what your younger self has to say...

Loving huggles for all your inner selves today...they've been working very hard to heal...

Wysteria Blue