I have another 3 days to wait. Doesn't sound like much but when you are disappointed and depressed waiting that long for relief is too much. I saw my pdoc on Tuesday and I agreed to wait until Friday for ECT instead of Wednesday. I was going downhill but only mildly, not moderate. So, today I got a call, which I missed, that said the pdoc doing ECT tomorrow can't do it so did I mind if I waited until Monday... as if I had a say in the matter. I am ready to cry and throw something which I have never done. I have been counting the days since Tuesday, knowing I would have relief on Friday. Now I have a long weekend to get through as I have nothing going on tomorrow or the rest of the weekend. For the first time in a long time I am thinking about self harm, wanting it, not doing it.

I know the pdoc must have a good reason to cancel but it doesn't make it any better. I hate this.