Tonight's session was confusing. T. asked me to list the "boogey man" in the "big pile of mess'...I have limited memories prior to age 11 and I have some anxiety about doing trauma work on the stuff I remember after age 11...so I'm assuming that he meant what is the worst case scenario...So I tell him that the worst case scenario would be if I was SA by someone in my family but that for me the "boogey man" is the fear of as another PC poster put it being Humpty Dumpty that I will fall apart and not be able to put myself together... So we talked about coping skills, etc. But then he went on this big lecture that I shouldn't assume just because I don't remember childhood to not assume I was SA and that if that is what I fear than that is what I will find... or not find... He just kept going on and on...I wanted to scream SHUT UP so badly...but I didn't.

I wanted to say...yes its unlikely I was SA...I think statistics show that most people SA victims remember the abuse happened...no other siblings (there were six of us kids) remember anything... I wanted to say...why did you ask me for the worst case scenario and then yell at me when I say it....

I even said that I know it doesn't have to be a "horrible objectionable act" in order for it to be too "stressful" for a child causing them to dissociate....what can be handled as an adult is very different for a 5 year old... but he just kept going on and on...

I wanted to say I think watching my mom beat my sister and begging her to stop was the true problem but he never shut up....I don't know how i will lose the anxiety of talking about all this stuff if I'm going to get lectured at...what if he doesn't like something else I say.

I never said I thought I was SA I just said that would be the worst case scenario... Any insight? Was I interpretting wrong?