I have a family reunion of sorts at my youngest sister's house this coming Saturday. It will be all members of my side of the family, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc. My oldest sister has also said she will be there; she has said she would be at every reunion we have had, but has never shown.

I haven't seen my older sister Karen for, in my best guess, 27 years. She kind of disappeared out of the family's life back then when she married a very rich man and her lifestyle changed drastically. She became a party animal, had a big house, drove fancy cars, had a few kids. And she just cut off all ties with the family, no calls, letters, nothing. As her kids grew up we would hear about her thru them. She eventually even all but cut off the ties with her own kids. Her daughter told me recently that it took her 3 weeks to fit a 15 minute visit into her busy schedule to come and see her first grandchild. She doesn't know my kid's names, hell, she probably doesn't even know that I have kids. Karen eventually divorced the first husband, got quite a nice settlement, and then married another guy who was also very rich from what I've been told. This whole time she continued to drink quite heavily, following in my Mother's (and my) footsteps. She went thru another divorce and re-married, but this time to a regular Joe, nobody rich I guess. But her kids say she had a ton of money by then. The final tally is that she's married and divorced six times. My younger sister was able to finally get her phone number about 5 or six years ago (she is persistent) and calls her 2 or 3 times a year just to check on her and always invites her to the reunions. As I said, she always accepts but never shows. I've always been left with the feeling that all her money made her feel superior to us, and to spend time with us was beneath her.

Well, she again accepted the invite to this get together. But my younger sis says that it's very different this time. Karen has been calling her asking what she can bring, telling her how excited she is about the whole thing, and acting very out of character. My younger sis really thinks she is going to show. And she thinks she knows why. Her daughter called recently, it seems that the last hubby took Karen for all she had and left her high and dry. All of her friends (read drinking buddies) have deserted her and she's all alone now. She lost her house and her car and is living in a pretty bad neighborhood in a one-bedroom apartment driving an old beat-up car. So now she has nothing and nobody and needs her family.

I'm not asking what I should do here. I know what to do. I should be an adult and let it go, take the high road, be the better man, let bygones be bygones. My question is, how? I am literally brimming with animosity and dripping with distain for this woman. When she had everything life had to offer, she treated this family like we were second-class citizens. But now that she is down on her luck, we're supposed to welcome her back with open arms. I've always considered myself to be a forgiving person, but I don't know if I can do this...

Does anyone have any suggestion on how I can survive this? I know myself well enough to know that I won't be able to pretend that everything is just fine.

Zen, I hope you don't mind that I kind of singled you out here, but I know you've had trouble with your sister too and I was hoping you might be able to impart some wisdom my way.

bp

"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart."