We had a long talk last night... I don't really have the energy to go over the details too much but basically he told me how he felt. At dinner with his family mind you. He tells me that he's been doing a lot of thinking about why we're fighting and he's figured it out and we would talk about it later. So later comes and he tells me all of the things that have been upsetting him
How I'm never happy. How no matter how hard he tries he never feels like he meets up to my expectations. How he feels like he has no freedom because he spends all of his time with me and my daughter. How he feels like he can no longer play the drums, something that he loves to do, because he's with me and I'm so anti drums and always think he's choosing them over me and I just wont let him do the thing he loves to do and blah blah blah... I wouldn't be saying blah blah blah if it were even remotely true.
I'm not against him playing an instrument. I just don't want when we both get off work at 6pm for him to go straight to band practice 5 nights a week and be there until 10 at night. I want to spend time with him. I myself like to play the drums, I don't want him to stop playing. I just want him to find a way to balance it. To make it where I spend time with him and he gets his drum time but to him it's all or nothing...
So after this long discussion about his lack of freedom and as he called it his lack of "free will" due to being with me I ended up saying what I've been afraid he would be the one to say. I have had the feeling that since he and I agreed to get married, that that's been the issue and when I hear all of his freedom problems within our relationship it kind of confirmed my suspicions about him not actually wanting to get married. So I said to him "I've been thinking maybe we should put off talking about getting married for a few more years. If you already feel like you're trapped and your freedom is gone, being married is going to make that worse for you." and he AGREED! He agreed to postpone the "engagement", if that's what you want to call it, for a few years.
Just last year though, well about 6 months ago he told me he had been thinking about marriage a lot and that if he asked me and I turned him down that he wouldn't be able to handle that kind of rejection and we wouldn't make it. So what about my feelings? How am I supposed to handle this rejection? Sorry to write so much but this... Is not something I wanted to happen...