thanks guys...I have actually made a point of saying the exact same words to him...we need to learn how to fight fair and properly because as it goes there is actually a proper way to fight...or so ive heard lol I do my best to keep my hubby out of the madness of it all unless its a really bad day and its only fair to give him warning im on a rampage kind of thing...BUT he takes offense to me not including him rather than being thankful because he sees it as I dont trust him to help me through things...like I said his defenses are literally up 24/7 so anythign I say or do can be misconstrued as not trusting him or accusing him etc etc etc...its really hard...I know hes got issues too and im learning to cope just as much as he is to having a s/o with such issues the difference being im a bit farther along than him and have a diagnosis he has ADHD as his preexisting condition and I have finally talked him into going to see the doctor in a couple weeks to see where he lies now and what we can do so both of us are on a path to recovery before the baby gets here.