Sleeps its never easy losing a therapist no matter the reason be it money, therapist went on vacation and decided not to come back, therapist fired, professional burn out or even one or the other moves out of town/state. Never easy. I too not so long ago said Id never choose another therapist. Then I did so even though I didn't plan on plan on keeping that therapist or even remaining in therapy after I saw her for the required one year. I even went into just tolorating the terapist and then into hating her and coiuldnt wait til the one year was up, counting days months and weeks, not hiding my hostility in my journals that the therapist read, floated in la la land so that I didn't have to be near that therapist, which left her with me in memory pieces that contained swearing and mouthing off content. LL (therapist) made it clear on the few chances she caught me aware, that she had never had any client call her clueless and swear at her and she did not like it. When I was aware I knew it irritated the hell out of her that I was not talking to her about my feelings on the past therapist and this transitional process so I irritated her even more by quoting an ethics law time frame and contined to not discuss anything in detail. You might say I was a definate B...... on a mission to submarine this broad as fast as I could without her seeing it coming. I was only there to accomplish that one year time frame and that was it. Especially after LL trying to make sure everything went perfect with me and a new DHS caseworker yelled at me after a court appointed hearing for using the guys first name, and for doing a background search on the guy before I even met him. I went into full out background search on LL to find out more about her. I knew there had to be a deep dark secret she was hiding and I was going to find it. But you know even though I found out something that her other clients most likely did not know because of the personal nature of it the more I found on her the more I started to like her. I didn't even realise it either until one day in therapy she asked me "so have I grown on you yet?" I told her "you might say that." all the while I was thinking oh man I do like her at least a little don't I. When I found out I was no longer court mandated to stay in therapy, my first reaction was good by therapy.. but logic kicked in I have come too far and have worked too hard to leave that up to chance. My son may not be coming home to live until he is 18 but hye will be coming home and he deserves to have a mother who is not acting out the unconscious memories of abuse, a mother that can remain fully aware while spending time with him. He's also going to need alot of help when he ages out of the foster care system and Im his closest relative and I always told him no matter how long he is in residential and foster care his home is going to be here. If I can't do what is best for me then I have to do what is best for him and continue on with what has been started. So I still see LL though now without the submarine plans. LOL have made sure that during my time with her I remain aware and don't float off completely to la la land. Thats a bit of a challege now that I have decided that our sessions are on my hardest day of the week. but for the most part Im still in ther fighting that urge to just follow the music away with my clouds.

All things considered I am now two years later glad that I do have LL backing things up just in case I come up against something I can't do on my own or run into something beyond my control.

It took me along time and many discussions with my past therapist before I was ready to let go of the therapy side of our relationship. Alot of things had to be taken care of first.

So I understand that you haven't had closure and NEVER want therapy again. And yea Ive had some cases with therapists where I was just a checkbook number. That one of the reasons why before usually enter therapy I find out if that agency has a sliding fee scale. if so most of those therapists don't see their clients as just check book numbers.

Someday when you are ready if that day comes when you have no choice know here in the US there are agencies like Department of human services, St vincent Du paul, catholic charities, and so on that can give vouchers for bills. I have been known a time or two to take a bill to them so that my own money I would normally use for that bill could go for paying a therapist. Its not very honest but it works. It may not fix the problem permanently but it does give me a month to look for other options like free services at a crisis center (sometimes they also have funds that can help with the therapy costs of seeing a nearby therapist in the community)

Take care. ((((((((sleeps)))))))))))