Quote:
Originally Posted by Readytostop
This is a new related thread..
I've been trying to get to a point of talking about some really tough issues but have anxiety. So we spent one whole session talking about talking about it. I came to next session ready to talk and T. went on a long monologue about something that I tried to tell him I agreed with him on. I can't seem to stop him when he does it,,, I just go off in my head somewhere. More details read thread Trauma Work
I emailed the T. with how I felt about this past session. I told him that I felt like he was lecturing and that half the session could have happened without me even being there. He responded within a few minutes which was very helpful. The tone of the email was very formal but I know he doesn't like to discuss therapy in emails so I should have expected that. He said all the right things like happy I felt safe enough to say these things...that he wants me to direct the sessions... that I could have said these things in session... that hopefully we can work together to make me comfortable in session..
I feel anxious and naseaus. I'm still worried that I somehow ruined things between us. I know the next session will be so weird 
But I can also see that this has more to do with my inability to confront people, say things I don't think they will be happy with , etc. than it has to do with T. I should have been able to say ...Hey wait a minute, I don't think you heard what I was saying... Or I agree with you on that but I wanted to talk about this today... I think I fear abandonment too much to do that or its an issue with authority. 
IF you have ever confronted T., how did you all survive week the next week? Does it always get resolved when we confront T.? |
Well, perhaps one thing to keep in mind is that we get to say what we like and don't like (in a reasonable manner of course). We have a right to expect people to be responsive to us. It doesn't ruin anything. Just the opposite, in fact, things usually get a lot better for everyone.
Personally, I don't like the word confrontation, and much prefer to think of it as effective
communication.
We can sometimes grow very accustomed to being ignored, or rebuffed, or minimized, but those lessons came to us from very very bad teachers.
I know you can tell yourself all of this
logically, but it's hard to get fully incorporate what is essentially your birthright as a human into your being.
It sounds as though you have directly challenged a long held belief and for that,
good for you.
Try to trust your therapist in his ability to assimilate and respond to what you want without becoming angry, or rejecting you.
It's what good people, and good teachers do.