al-anon may offer you support to deal with how you are feeling and offer you tools to deal with an alcoholic. it's a program to focus on your feelings, etc. and how to overcome your challenges. it doesn't make your hubby the center of attention. tho he is getting some help the only person who can make himself stop drinking is him. you're correct alcoholism is a family disease. all the focus surrounds his actions and behavior. here's some excellent info. i hope you find helpful-
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/pdf/B29_2.pdf
the article offers suggestions for so much of your concerns and clarifies how you can help yourself and the children.
another site states
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Alcoholic Marriage Relationship: In a marriage where alcoholism is present, the trouble stems from the fact that there is truly only one thing that takes first priority in an alcoholic's life...getting drunk. All alcohol addicts, because of their low self-esteem, consider drinking more important than themselves, at least short-term. Many end up losing family, job, even their lives, before giving up the precious bottle. If you're married to an alcoholic, you truly aren't married in a real sense. Your spouse's spouse is the bottle. No matter what your spouse say, it may take separation or divorce before quitting is even considered.
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another forum for feedback is ACOA. many ppl there are experiencing many of your challenges so don't let the forum name confuse you.
we are here for YOU. 
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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