Well, its getting down to the wire. See my pdoc for the first time since June on the 29th. Sooooo many changes since the last time we met.

-New job
-Working nights
-Loooong hours (very little sleep)
-Change in med schedule
-Off health insurance so stretched meds
-Ran out of meds (got more now) leading to extreme mania
-Massive increases in impulse spending, impulse sex, alcohol abuse, tobacco use, suicidal/homicidal thoughts, and SI tendencies
-Girlfriend left me

To top it off, I have to admit to him that I have not been at all honest or open with him since he took over for my old doc who moved (was even less open with him). I have a list of everything i need to tell him. I even kept from him the major depression i faced in the winter.

I know this is gonna be a rough one. Have a feeling i might actually break down and cry having to relive all this hell again.

Any support you all could give would be greatly appreciated. I know this is all that im gonna be able to think about, unless im hammered drunk, for the next 5 days.